How to Tell a Joist from a Girder
Humour by Robin McGrath
This morning, as I tap this out on my keyboard, two bits of writing have fallen into my lap. The first was Andy Jones’s new publication, “Actor Needs Restraint,” and the second, a review of that book in the current Literary Review of Canada. I read the review first, before cracking the spine of the book itself, and it left me feeling a bit puzzled. While it was very positive about Andy and his writing and acting, it didn’t really address the content of the three scripts contained in what is labelled Volume 1.
More than half the review isn’t about the book at all, it’s about the “Newfoundland Renaissance” that spawned CODCO, the Mummer’s Troupe, Figgy Duff and Rising Tide. I had hoped that the reviewer might discuss whether the three scripts that make up the core of the work could stand alone, separate from the character of the author. Could anyone else perform these scripts and make them glow like they do when Andy is the one speaking those words?
Back in the sixties, when I had my first encounters with mainland Canadians on their own turf, I was offended when I was subjected to “Newfie jokes” that portrayed us as half-wit hicks with peculiar accents. I knew lots of funny people when I was growing up, and these “Newfie jokes” weren’t funny--they were stupid and predictable. Then along came CODCO, who redeemed the whole world of Newfoundland humour. I saw them perform first at the Horseshoe Tavern in Toronto, and if I hadn’t been laughing so hard, I might have wept because there on stage were members of my family, my neighbours, my ancestors, and no matter how stupid they appeared to be, their wit and insight and natural compassion lay close to the surface for all who wanted to see.
“How do you get a dozen Newfoundlanders out of a swimming pool? Throw in a bar of soap.” “How do you get eight Newfoundlanders into a Volkswagon?” “Tell them it’s going to Toronto.” Boo! Hiss! These aren’t funny.
To cheer up what might otherwise be a dismal day, I offer a real “Newf” joke as illustration of what the difference is:
A Newfoundlander is wandering around the campus of the University of Toronto, trying to find the library. He sees an elderly gentleman coming towards him and stops him. “Excuse me, zir, do you know where the library’s to?” The prof gives him a scornful look and says “It’s obvious you’re not a Toronto man. Don’t you know you aren’t supposed to end a sentence with a preposition?” Buddy says, “I’m zorry, zir. Do you know where the library’s to, asshole?”
Take a moment to analyze this and you’ll realize that the Newfoundlander is first of all polite, which is more than can be said for the Torontonian. Secondly, he knows what a preposition is but chooses dialect over standard grammar. Third, he knows how to strike back when he’s insulted by turning the rude mainlander’s own insult against him.
CODCO was able to show the humour and smarts that lurks under the surface of real Newfoundland characters. Here’s another example of our own type of humour:
A Newfoundlander is up in Toronto looking for a job. He gets a room in a boarding house where there are other Newfs, and they tell him that he should go with them to the building site where they are working and they’ll introduce him to the Foreman. The next morning, he goes with them and meets the Foreman, who asks him what his qualifications are. He explains that he’s just graduated in Honours English from Memorial University. The Foreman says “What use would you be to me? You probably wouldn’t know a joist from a girder.” “I do so,” said buddy. “Joist was an Irishman who wrote dirty books and Girder was a German poet.”
You may be asking yourself if there are any good Newfie jokes that don’t involve making fun of Canadian mainlanders. There are thousands of them. My favourite is one that came from my father-in-law. “How is an old woman like an old dory? They both cost a fortune in paint and they always leak a little.”
About the Author
Robin McGrath was born in Newfoundland. She earned a doctorate from the University of Western Ontario, taught at the University of Alberta, and for 25 years did research in the Canadian Arctic on Inuit Literature and culture before returning home to Newfoundland and Labrador. She now lives in Harbour Main and is a full-time writer. Robin has published 26 books and over 700 articles, reviews, introductions, prefaces, teaching aids, essays, conference proceedings and chapbooks. Her most recent book is Labrador, A Reader’s Guide. (2023). She is a columnist for the Northeast Avalon Times and does freelance editing.
Newfoundland English to the one I speak: "Where's Carnegie Hall to?"="Where Is Carnegie Hall"?