Motherness: A Memoir of Generational Autism,Parenthood and Radical Acceptance, by Julie Green
Society has got better at accepting autism, but there’s still a need for understanding—and acceptance
When I was pregnant, my mother prayed I’d have a girl. A friend advised daily drinks of honey and garlic, or some such old wives’ recipe, to ensure same. I did have a daughter, but I’m not sure their, um, assistance had anything to do with that.
Anyhow. The reason for their concern? My younger brother is autistic. The myth back then, about 30 years ago, was: have a girl, have no worries.
As Julie M. Green, an autistic mom with an autistic son, points out in a riveting new memoir, the latest findings show that no, autistic boys don’t outnumber autistic girls by four to one, as previously thought. More like three to one.
“Through these stories, an inspiring theme emerges: that, by understanding autism, society can learn to accept it.”
In alternating accounts throughout Motherness: A Memoir of Generational Autism, Parenthood and Radical Acceptance, Green shares the experiences of her own youth and son Carson’s. Through these stories, an inspiring theme emerges: that, by understanding autism, society can learn to accept it. As Albert Einstein said, “Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion.”
Green also debunks the myth that having autism makes you brilliant, à la Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man or Sheldon Cooper in Big Bang Theory. The Toronto mom recalls being a shy, scared girl who retreated into books. And, the nervous habit she still has to resist, picking and tearing at her nails until the skin bled.
Also now as then, she’ll retreat to a closet, curl up on the floor, and rock back and forth. The rocking I remember well from my brother who, being on the severe end of the spectrum, now lives in care at a home for autists in Ontario. I also recall Greg arm-flapping and zooming around like a plane.
Weird, thought my friends. Not really, says Green. Flapping and zooming are examples of self-stimulating behaviours, or stims, an outlet for releasing energy.
Carson is 2e, that is, twice exceptional, both intellectually gifted and developmentally challenged. Where other kids might be into baseball or piano, Carson grew passionate about learning Mandarin. There’s a charming scene in Motherness where Carson is happily reviewing his pinyin cards, i.e., Mandarin vocab with romanized spelling.
As Green notes, the “gifted” label is often misleading, as gifted kids struggle even as they impress you with their brilliance. This, too, I’ve seen. As a volunteer creative-writing mentor with a local school board, I would encourage students to write stories, which I’d then read and comment on. I remember one girl, very imaginative, who had a compulsion to keep apologizing. Familiar with Greg’s compulsions, I got used to it. But one of her teachers confided that the nonstop I’m sorry’s drove her, direct quote, “mental.”
Again, it’s an issue of understanding and accepting. And society has definitely progressed since Greg was a kid and strangers would sneer when he took fright at loud noises or a car’s flashing lights and started screaming.
Green gives us a wonderful example of the difference now. Her son loves cracking jokes, the punnier, the better. What do you call a teacher with gas? A toot-or! The principal at Carson’s school invited him to make a joke over the loudspeaker once a week, a.k.a., the Friday Funny. A risky move on the principal’s part, comments Green, “given that he doesn’t screen the jokes ahead of time. But I love the man for seeing my boy and shining a light on his strengths rather than simply dwelling on his shortcomings.”
May the circle not only be unbroken, but keep widening.
About the Author
After studying Creative Writing and English Literature at Concordia University in Montreal, Julie M. Green moved to London, U.K. She and her husband stayed there for 10 years, relocating to Toronto following the birth of their child. The three of them now live in Kingston, along with their olde English bulldogge. In her spare time Green runs a women’s book club and volunteers at an arts centre for adults with developmental disabilities.
About the Reviewer
Melanie Jackson is a Vancouver freelance writer/editor. She’s also the award-winning author of middle-grade/YA suspensers, including Orca Books’ Dinah Galloway Mystery Series, and several chillers set in amusement parks. Visit Melanie’s page at The Writers’ Union of Canada site.
Book Details
Publisher: ECW Press, September 23, 2025
Language: English
ISBN: 978177041-8028
Paperback: 288 pages.
I am only seeing this review of Motherness now - thank you!