When I Became Never by Nathalie Guilbeault
Reviewed by Anne Smith-Nochasak
When I Became Never is a novel that complements Nathalie Guilbeault’s earlier work, Inhaled, the story of Isabelle Duval’s entanglement with Benjamin Rodriguez, her struggles to break free, and her recovery. In When I Became Never, she explores the roots of Benjamin Rodriguez’s sociopathic personality, the subtle and overt factors that create such a person. Especially, she examines in depth the factors that bring his victims under his complete control, until they see wrong being done, but do nothing. We would see through his machinations, we might protest; we would walk away. Sadly, the control is incremental; the traits are drawn forth, a little at a time; breaking free becomes nearly impossible.
The reader is cautioned that there are intimate descriptions of violence and abuse, scenes of intense animal cruelty, and utterance of Benjamin’s racial slurs, and one should be prepared for this. At the same time this book is a literary achievement filled with insight, knowledge, and strength.
We pick up the family history with the birth of Julian Rodriguez, son of Alberto and Dolores, set against the turmoil of Spain during the 1920’s and 1930’s. Alberto, the child of a rape victim, orchestrates the sadistic death of Dolores’ brother (her lover), and marries her. A sense of helplessness pervades the setting, as Dolores lives out her marriage, as her little sisters are victimized by a local priest with her husband’s knowledge. Her son Julian is born into this world of despair, quiet rage, and hopelessness, where no one speaks for the helpless.
The violence of that time is recreated with intense detail. Dolores’ final, vicious efforts to avenge her sisters in a brutal torture of the priest occurs against the backdrop of the bombing of Malaga and culminates in her death. Julian is alone when his mother’s body is laid before him, and now he is left with only his father, a man of violence in a time of unchecked violence.
When nine-year-old Julian and his father flee for Mexico to escape Franco’s regime in 1939, trauma follows them. Having hastened his father’s death, Julian becomes part of a group of orphans taken into hard labour. In his teens, Julian and twelve-year-old Sophia escape to Managua. Again, the helplessness and systematic abuse of women and children dominates the scene. When Julian leaves Sophia briefly, he returns to find the girl has been gang raped, tortured, and hanged. The new world seems to bring no reprieve.
Julian comes under the attention of a general who takes local children and trains them to fight the Sandinistas, and he grooms Julian to be a soldier and a leader. His eleven-year-old daughter Philomena, an eager and innocent child, seems charmed by Julian. She later marries him, to spend a lifetime holding an image while turning a blind eye to the realities of her marriage.
Julian replaces his father-in-law as the recruiter and trainer of children. In 1972, the couple has twin daughters, baby Luis, and another child on the way. Philomena is publicly poised and controlled, hiding her awareness of the young women who have disappeared, the babies that have been born, the many rumors. During an earthquake which kills the twins, their son Benjamin is born.
Julian proceeds to indoctrinate his two sons in the ways that have become habit to him, encouraging cruelty, demanding it. Benjamin is a willing pupil, but Luis is eventually driven into a near catatonic state when confronting the horrors his father demands he enact. Benjamin, however, complies without showing remorse. After a tour with the military culminating in Iraq, though, his deeds become known, and his father sends him to America.
In America Benjamin is drawn to women of apparent strength: Janelle, whom he marries, is a decisive person, as is the artist Claudia, with whom he has a liaison following his marriage to Janelle. Yet, his initial charm devolves into control—as seen in humiliation and belittling of the artist Claudia.
His relationship with Isabelle, described in Inhaled, takes an interesting turn as Isabelle, now past the seduction that nearly destroyed her, seeks evidence that will stop Benjamin’s actions, particularly his abuse of his young daughter Jocelyne. This is perhaps the saddest reality; the total betrayal of Jocelyne’s innocence, hope, and trust haunts us. Isabelle learns of the outcomes for other victims. There is something pitiful in the elderly Patricia’s inability to see her own personal worth, her eagerness to define herself on Benjamin’s terms. We trace the breakdown of Claudia and her rage against Isabelle and all she holds dear. Yet, in the end, Isabelle takes a rather special journey with Janelle and Claudia, three women nearly destroyed by Benjamin. We witness the deep damage that makes them capable of horrific acts of violence. And in this, Isabelle must learn to let go of the questions that cannot be answered and seek other solutions.
None of us know what we are capable of. Historically, we have assumed that once the woman or partner sees how dangerous and indeed evil the person is, she will simply walk away. Few truly understand the strength of the bonds forged by these perpetrators. Those who are drawn in by people like Benjamin sadly struggle with the obsession long after the relationship is over.
The author has a superb way of filtering through details, sifting perceptions, noting moments. She is a skilled writer, drawing the reader deeply into the text: “. . . he saw women, men, and children, eyes closed, some weeping, all surviving inside a prayer.” It is a challenging reading—but told with mastery of phrase. Impressions, thoughts, actions, and dialogue intermingle in the narrative, and the story is threaded together by an unknown narrator whose story is only revealed in the end, and who draws all elements together. Even without quotation marks or separation by paragraph, dialogue, and story flow together in harmony. It is a poetic, image-driven narrative that addresses horrors in intimate detail, never sparing the reader. We feel the story, the intergenerational violence, the aggregation of trauma, the irreparable damage to the victims, and the final triumph of the human spirit. It is neither easy reading, nor light reading. It is graphic and it is disturbing. But what a powerful telling! A most necessary book. Thank you, Ms. Guilbeault, for this journey.
About the Author
Nathalie Guilbeault holds a Master in Management Sciences from Montreal’s Hautes Etudes Commerciales and has been writing full time since 2016. Nathalie is the author of the novels INHALED and WHEN I BECAME NEVER, as well as COLD CHAOS, Stories from a North, a collection of shorts. Her work has been published in various journals, anthologies and magazines. She presently lives in North Hatley, Quebec.
About the Reviewer
Anne M. Smith-Nochasak grew up in rural western Nova Scotia, where she currently resides and teaches part-time after many years working in northern communities. She has self-published three novels using the services of FriesenPress: A Canoer of Shorelines (2021), The Ice Widow (2022), and River Faces North (Taggak Journey, Book 1, being released in early September 2024). She is currently a member of the Writers Federation of Nova Scotia. When she isn’t writing or teaching, Anne can be found reading, kayaking, gardening, renovating, or exploring the woods with her golden dog Shay, while her cat Kit Marlowe supervises the house. Anne can be reached through her website https://www.acanoerofshorelines.com/ or on X, IG, and FB @smithnochasak.
Book Details
Publisher : Montreal Publishing Company
Publication date : Oct. 29 2024
Language : English
Print length : 398 pages
ISBN-10 : 1998353044
ISBN-13 : 978-1998353040
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